Connor's birth story and our unexpected suprise

So, it turns out I started a blog back in 2007 and I did one entry. LOL. Lets hope I do a little better this time around.

I guess I'll start by telling Connor's birth story. I woke up on September 16th at around 6:30a.m. with contractions. I timed them and they were consistently coming between 7-9 minutes apart. I texted my go to girl, Julie and she recommended calling my nurse. So I did just that around 10a.m. and left a message. I was very calm and laid back.

 In the meantime, I had a perfect day planned for Hunter and myself. I wanted to make one of his "last days" as a single child fun. Since I hadn't heard from the nurse, I decided to go ahead and take him to Barnes and Noble to play with the train set. Sure enough, we'd been there about 15 minutes and the nurse called and told me to go ahead and go to the hospital. So I texted my hubby and told him to meet me at the hospital. And had my dad pick up Hunter. It was go time! And I thought I was ready for Connor.

I was definitely having contractions and they were consistently 2-3 minutes apart, although I wasn't really dilated. So our nurse, Tracy, made the call that we would be having this baby and he would arrive before 3p.m. I called my mom (who was awesome and stayed with Hunter) and told her we would be having Connor and around what time, so that she could be there when we came out of surgery. She's such a super mom and gramma. I'm thankful for both her and my dad.

I couldn't believe how easy this C-Section was.! Jason said, I don't know why we didn't do this the first time. (lol)

So, at 2:29p.m. I heard the first cry from my precious Connor. I remember asking if he had red hair and if he was healthy. The answer was no, he doesn't have red hair and yes he's healthy. He was beautiful! And I didn't have any other thoughts.

Later that evening, Jason had stepped out to pick up a few things from the house so my brother in law and sister in law stayed with me. The next thing I know the Pediatrician on call within our practice came in and asked that they step out for a moment. I knew at that point something wasn't good. The first thing he asked was, Who do you think Connor looks like? My response was me! His response was that he didn't think he did. I said well my husband is Hispanic. He looks a lot like the guy who just walked out of the room. (I guess he was trying to figure out if I was married to an Asian??). This next moment would change my life forever. The Dr. told me that he would like to run a blood test to see if Connor has down syndrome (DS). His eyes being slanted and he had a big space between his big and second toe were red flags for him. He also made me aware that the test could take 2-3 weeks to get results back.

My heart shattered and I ran into a brick wall. I was shocked! How could this be? The possibility that my little guy has DS??? . Minutes later my hubby walked in and I had to break the news. That night I cried and cried and cried and my husband just held me. Is there anyone I would rather do life with, than that man? No way! God surely blessed me with an amazing man. So we prayed and prayed that God would heal Connor from this diagnosis.

On Friday, September 20th, I got the call from our Pediatrician. It was confirmation that Connor did have an extra chromosome. And officially had his diagnosis of DS. And once again, I cried and cried. There were so many thoughts running thru my head like, I don't want this for Connor. I don't want this for us.  I had regret. He's going to live with us the rest of our lives. Will he have friends? What will people think? What about Hunter? We just gave him a huge responsibility later in life. My idea of perfect and what I thought we "looked" like was stripped. I wanted to ask Why God? But I know Why. We are perfect for our little boy! And Hunter is the perfect Big Brother for him. But knowing this is my heart just doesn't make it any easier.

The love and support for us and Connor has been awesome. And we feel it.So thank you for your encouraging words, thoughts and prayers. I plan to put them in his baby book. Here are a few, "Remember that (DS)  doesn't define him..."; "Please don't forget that we live in a sin filled society that lessens the ones that aren't perfect.. Don't be swayed or overcome by that. It isn't truth. Connor has been made in the image of God just as we have been. Take heart and let Love conquer all. You are my brother and sister in Christ and we will all stand as one family, Children of God and have each other's back when times are rough and celebrate when times are joyous. We are praying for you guys continuously." I had one person tell me that she believes DS kids are the closest to what God intended for us to be before sin came. They love unconditionally, they don't judge, they are full of life.

I'm definitely grieving and I have good days and days that I'm a little sad or mad. I know this is going to be a long journey. But one that is rich and will direct us more and more towards our maker. I know that we will be blessed by Connor just like Hunter has blessed our lives. Life is so valuable. I'm learning to stop and really enjoy today and the moment that is given to us. Because we aren't promised tomorrow and we don't know what it holds. But I do know that God is good even when we feel the darkness. He's there. These trials are where we grow and become more and more like who he has called us to be.He's always taken care of us in previous trials so I know that his plan is much bigger and more amazing than I could fathom.

I think this story does a great job of explaining where I'm at right now....

WELCOME TO HOLLAND by Emily Perl Kingsley. c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

July 25, 2012 at 4:09pm

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

byEmily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Trusting His plan for us,

Mandy